So, life went kerfflewwy there for awhile. A few weeks ago I found myself suddenly buried in work deadlines and hardly had time to come up for air. The little time I had away from work was, of course, consumed with family, and the puny leftovers went to other general unavoidable commitments of daily grownup life. Oh, and did I mention that we’re moving in just a few short weeks? So, there’s that.
At first, I obsessively worried about this little blog, scheming about how I would squeeze in time to write some posts, sort through photos. I scribbled ideas (I have piles of these awesome blog planners filled with ideas for future post. Did I mention I’m a list-maker?), and filed them away, mentally and physically, where they grew tentacles of anxiety that threatened to bring my productivity to a screeching halt if I didn’t get a handle on it. And then I was struck by how quickly, over just a few short months, the blog had morphed being from a creative outlet and source of pleasure and to a pressing obligation, a source of stress and worry, another item on the endless mental to-do list.
Ugh. How on earth did this happen? To some degree, it grew from love. I dipped my toe in the blogorama and wasn’t sure how it would feel. But it was indeed love at first sight, and the blog became important to me. I was so annoyed with myself for feeling pressure about something that had been voluntary, pleasurable, and satisfying. A choice, in other words: the furthest thing from an obligation.
So I made another choice. I chose to stop worrying. I let it go, let it fly right out of my brain. Out of the tensed muscles in my neck and the spinning wheel of stress in my brain. Out the window, gone, gone, gone.
What a relief! I am frequently amazed by how I can transform choice into a requirement. I can sometimes feel locked into “have to’s” that I have entirely created in my mind. It seems to me that a lot of our modern-day obligations are just self-created illusions, and when we step out of the dance and get clarity, it’s shockingly obvious that we’re feeling bound up by our own perceptions. In reality, we don’t “have to” do so many of the things we think we do. We want to. Or maybe we don’t. Either way, we have a say in the matter. Not always, but way more often than it seems. This is not a new revelation for me, but it’s easy to lose sight of when you’re in the day-to-day of it all. I occasionally need to give myself a reminder slap to the forehead.
So I had to let go of the need to keep all those balls in the air, and I prioritized my focus. I had to remind myself that the blog would be here when I returned, and if I let go of the “have to,” it would still be a source of pleasure, as intended, and not the self-imposed cherry on top of my typical modern stressful life.
That’s just a really long-winded way of saying that I will be back with more posts, when I get around to it. Hopefully that will be soon. But if it’s not, I’m not going to beat myself up about it.
What about you? Do you have any tricks to keep your eyes on the prize? Or do you get weighed down by the “have to’s” also?